Wilson was a creep

Does anyone else ever wonder how Tim Allen can even live day to day? I've oft' or just recently pondered this notion myself and came to the conclusion that each and every movie Mr. Allen has shown his face in, with the exception of "Jungle 2 Jungle" of course, could be erased from history and the world would be no different, if not better. In light of Tim Allen's newest contribution to the decline of civilization, "The Shaggy Dog," I'm going to attempt to recreate a day in the life of Tim Allen.

Tim Allen wakes up in a roadside motel in Pasadena, scratches his balls, releases a signature "Home Improvement" grunt, and slumps into the bolted down desk chair to check his e-mail for any new messages from fans.

When scrolling through the list, Tim finds his first fan gem from Andre, who wants to let Tim know just how much...he can increase the size of his....no matter, Mr. Allen scrolls even further and finds an old message he's never seen before...it's from his agent... the subject reads "Never do a remake of 'The Shaggy Dog.'" Tim grunts again and mutters "Ignoramus" under his breath, and laughs at his own "funny."

Bored, Tim goes to the bathroom doorway and attempts a few pullups, unsuccessful, he grunts again and proceeds to slaughter a young Unicorn to rejuvenate his weakening life source, and braids himself a rat tail out of the Unicorn's mane to bring good luck.

Tim attempts to flush the Unicorn down the toilet and gives up after he hears a knock at the door. Running to the door, Tim presses his face up to the door and peers through the peephole. "Fucking halfbreed!" Tim whispers as he finds it to be foe not friend knocking at his door, a centaur. Tim had bought the Unicorn off of this centaur the previous day, but his check had bounced, and he knows the centaur must be there to collect.

Tim tiptoes past the bed, grabbing the essentials, his "Hat FM," his red bandana, signed headshots and a cane to support his crippled career. Moving cautiously and quietly through the room, Tim blows a kiss to the drenched Unicorn and makes his narrow escape through the bathroom window.

Tim is relieved to have survived another day as he makes his way to the train tracks and catches a free ride on the next train into Los Angeles to record voiceovers for "The Santa Claus 3"

Fin